The Lake

I keep my guard up most of my day. Most of my week. I sleep with one eye open. I carry my key like a dagger in my hand, hidden, but exposed, as it should be. I plan ahead. I often think of my journals. Who I would entrust them to, should it be revealed that my time is limited.

I look over my shoulder a lot.

So many times have I wandered alone, through alleys, and parks, and through rows of parked cars. Much of my routine is one large moment of wandering and exploring on my own, a moment, the only moment, where I choose to put one foot forward, or one foot in my grave. And nobody knows it but me.

As with any human being, my instinct tells me to run when danger is close. I have dreams that I cannot run fast enough, or even muster a scream. I stay alert, I do not take the silence around me for granted.

But despite the fears I have of wandering alone through the streets of the county, through the alleyways and parking lots…I seldom set foot in the openness of a forest or field on my own. It is a shame that past perpetrators have destroyed the sanctity of rural areas and nature by staining the grass, and the earth, and the water with blood.

I have often walked and explored with friends and family on the trails and valleys near my house. I have ridden my bike with Kyle and his family along the bike bridge in Rancho Bernardo. I have picnicked with him and enjoyed the sun and good food beside the marshes of Lake Hodges, where hardly another human being can be found. I have sat at the edge of a dock with him and felt so calm and content, and I have looked forward to the prospect of kayaking in the lake. I’ve spent time on the water with my family, in earlier days. The sun shines brightly whenever I am there, and I was joyful the afternoon the lake flooded in the rain and the water rushed over the dam.

This afternoon, it became clear that a young girl, hardly younger than myself, became a part of the Lake’s memory forever. And a part of the memories of countless residents who saw that openness…that sun shining overhead and the peaceful waters of the lake…as a still place. Now there is an aura of struggle and fear about the lake and the surrounding area. Parents and children alike, hold each other tightly tonight, knowing that tomorrow is never promised. The residents of Rancho Bernardo lock their doors and shut their windows, filled with anxiety and hurt over the events of the past 6 days since one of their own disappeared.

It’s sort of strange how one moment, a girl, who also wandered, could suddenly be taken and forced into the darkness. How such a strong, quick human being could succumb to the lurking evils of the park. It is a shame and a tragedy, and a fate that no one deserves, especially the young. She left a footprint on my heart, and I will walk quickly now, wherever I go. I will continue to look over my shoulder. I’m sure her footprint will forever be on her parent’s hearts, and on those of her friends and the rest of the community.

My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with the King family and her friends. And with her. 

-PrettyPidjun